so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
