she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
sarcasm needs its own font
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
