This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Randomize
