went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Randomize
