Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
