so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
