shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
