I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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