I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
