How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Randomize
