that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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