idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
