everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Panties = found
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
