Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Randomize
