I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
