Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
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