They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
