i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
We don't watch enough power rangers
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
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