im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Randomize
