you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
