3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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