I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
