We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
