Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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