this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
