I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
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