Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
