Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Randomize
