The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
