He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
