@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Randomize
