that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
