new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
