Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
