Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
