hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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