there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
