I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
