The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
