maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
