This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
