tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
