I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
