your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Randomize
