Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
