Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
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