You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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