I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
