Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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