I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Randomize
