i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
