I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
