I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
